A Bartender's Personal Dating Recipes, & A Hard Lesson Learned

For a long time now, I've compared my love life to Rob Gordon's, the signature audiophile and hero of High Fidelity. For all I know I've already drawn the comparisons somewhere here on SOMETHING ELSE, but, regardless--

In the screenplay and subsequent movie, Rob has five significant relationships. He describes these, in detail to the audience, in a list-making idiom that is a predominate facet of his character. Highlight-style:

Girlfriend #1: First Kiss. Middle school, or something. The girl leaves him for another boy within the afternoon - these two eventually get married, so Rob decides to let it go.

Girlfriend #2: Prom Date, essentially, but they stay serious for some time. Rob breaks up with her because she isn't ready to sleep with him. With their demise, she sleeps with somebody else.

Girlfriend #3: Charlie. Hot Mess. The tenacious free spirit that a lot of guys are after, but can never seem to have to themselves. She leaves him in a rain-soaked affair that is full of drama ("Lo-Fi", you might say).

Girlfriend #4: Big Mess. The relationship between the two is that there is no relationship. Both parties find companionship in getting over exes. They are "In-Betweeners." She eventually finds a better fit, leaving Rob alone and flabbergasted, for what it's worth.

Girlfriend #5: The One. Rob spends most of the movie figuring out that he needs to shape up in order to keep Laura in his life.



So, I compare my love life to this. Girlfriend One was Puppy Love, and while the relationship lasted for a very long time, we were only in high school at the time and it was a small town, besides. That girl is enlisted now and married, and I don't know if we'd still understand each other like we thought we did then. In an appropriately ironic twist I lost it to Girlfriend Two, but our relationship existed in a dimension that was appropriate maybe for college or young adulthood, and certainly not a practical fit (read: long distance. A mistake many inexperienced lovers make). Girlfriend Three was the Charlie. Funny story how she and T. partied it up one night in Asbury, I'll be sure to put it up here when I need an anecdote to fill in a bland session. My only discrepancy is that She keeps popping up in my life, here and there; I'm stuck a Pip to his Stella, wondering if my big-azz book is going to end the same way that I Expected that one to end... ...(and here's a deep bit of personal philosophy: because, while we want exciting things to end this way, there's always an important reason why they don't, and that's what we learn the most from)

Girlfriend Four was without a doubt an In-Between. We both fit together because we didn't fit anywhere else, and we needed each others' company. I'm embarrassed to admit that I stumbled onto my Fidelity Epiphany while we were seeing each other (two years, mind you); I made the mistake of telling her about it, and lied about which girl she was. I think she knew. I have a box of Newport 100s, her brand of choice, in my locker at work right now because they are the only cigarettes that I really like. Nevermind that I honestly can't stand them.

Which makes Verano Girlfriend Number Five.

Now, I detail these personal affects because I am not a list-making audiophile who was invented up by Nicholas Hornby, but rather I a humble bartender with a tendency to think in comparisons. On the (return) bikeride home tonight --first unscheduled Friday I've had in Gods know how long-- I realized that each of these five significant others have different Spirit preferences.

Which is to say that: Girlfriend #1 drank Vodka. Last I checked, anyhow, and we were years beyond each other by then. It was probably the last phone conversation I had with her, in fact, before she was deployed to Afghanistan. Girlfriend #2 didn't drink. Girlfriend #3 drank Vodka, most certainly, and would be listed as my predominate Vodka drinker should one inquire. Girlfriend #4 drank Tequila. Verano prefers Scotch.

There have been two other significant women in my life. Mad Dame fits somewhere between #s 2 & 4 and drank Rum; Katharine drank Whiskey by the bootload, and is mostly mentioned here as an example, but it would be nice to have her stumble unexpectedly into the restaurant. The point is that these women, who have had different but very strong effects on my person, can be attributed to the quality of their associated liquor. I have nearly a fully-stocked bar for my troubles. It's a spectrum thing. What I'm further getting at is I that I have yet to meet a Gin drinker, a Bourbon drinker, and a Cordial sipper (Gods save me if I ever meet any of them), and is this a proper way to judge relationships, besides? It makes an odd kind of sense to me, at least.

Does anybody else reconcile the relationships of his/her deep and innate psyche with appropriate job/life-maintaining metaphors? If you're in construction have you dated a backhoe, bulldozer and dumptruck? I'm just wondering.


As for a hard lesson learned, I may be out $500 because I didn't read the fine print. Always look over you lease carefully, kiddies!